Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
