so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
