either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
