i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
