The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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