ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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