when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
