1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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