It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
