Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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