dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
