I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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