There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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