So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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