I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
