Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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