It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
