My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Say something about gay babies.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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