This house was built for laser tag.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
