I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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