I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
