I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
