I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
