i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
