i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
