her vagine was all disorganized.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize