My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
