Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
