I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
