i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize