The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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