Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
