So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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