Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
