I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
