Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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