No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
