Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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