Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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