Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
