a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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