They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
