I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
