Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
