His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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