You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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