tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
