just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
