Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
