How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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