Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she looked like the before picture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I deserve this hangover.
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