3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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