Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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