During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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