So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Randomize
