remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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