let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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