There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
