I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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