Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
