Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
