I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
