It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
