I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
