and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
