Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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