Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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