Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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