i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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