After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
