he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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