She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
