I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize