btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The feeling are messing with the penis
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
